my little trial

Hello friends. So most of you do not know about our little scare that we had this past week. Last Tuesday night (April 30), when Sky and I were in bed, we noticed a lump in my lower right breast--and it was pretty big (a little smaller than a walnut).

Of course we were immediately worried, and so I called my OB the next morning. Since I had a breast lump, they got me in for the very next day (Thursday). Skyler had class at the time of the appointment, so my mom came with me.

The doctor performed a breast exam, confirmed it wasn't normal tissue or glands or something like that, and got me an appointment with a surgeon for the next day (Friday).

Skyler came with me to this appointment and the first thing they did was an ultrasound. The doctor gave us the scoop before the ultrasound about what he was looking for... In the majority of cases where women my age have a lump in their breast, it is a fluid filled cyst that is not dangerous, and only needs to be drained, or it may even just dissolve. He said this is most likely what it is, and if so, it would show up as a completely black dot on the screen since it is fluid filled. He then told us that if it is a tumor, it will show up white-ish since it is made up of fat and cells and other schuff.

So he begins the ultrasound. I'm just praying in my head that I will see a perfectly black dot on the screen. Not so. Instead, it is a white, oval shaped figure on the screen. Dangit.

So it's not a cyst. The doctor then tells us it is a tumor of some sort, but that chances are very low that it is cancerous. Sky asks him a bunch of questions and I am just listening because I am afraid if I start talking I'll get all chocked up (embarrassing).

He told us our options about testing, and we chose the needle biopsy vs. needle aspiration or being sent to another surgeon who has a more high tech equipment that wouldn't hurt as much. But he said that we would need to make another appointment and that his equipment gives the same results, it's just a little more painful. I just wanted my results, so I chose the needle biopsy then and there. This entailed him numbing it, sticking a GIANT, spring loaded needle into the lump, and taking a specimen from the tumor--which would then be tested to see if it is benign or cancerous.

Him poking me numerous times with a needle and pumping anesthesia into my boob definitely stung a little. The doctor was on one side with the needle, and the nurse was on the other, holding my breast in place. So Sky was at my feet, letting me know he was there for me by putting his hand on my ankle.

Once it was all numb, the doctor cut a slit in my skin, and then stuck THIS in me...

Once it was in there, we watched on the ultrasound to make sure the tip of the needle was right in the middle of the tumor. I couldn't feel much of this until he pushed the button and it made a loud spring noise which cut a sample of the tumor out. This felt just like a huge impact, punch to the chest. It didn't hurt then, but once the anesthesia wore off I could definitely feel it... but still, very tolerable. The doctor told me I would probably bruise quite a bit, and he was right. My whole lower right breast is purple/yellowish.

From there, the doctor sent the sample to the pathologist to be tested. This was on a Friday, and he told us that we would get the results back next Wednesday or Friday, because he was off on Thursday. A whole week!! Ahhhhh.

So, to put it bluntly, this past week has been heck. I knew the chances were small that it was cancerous, but my mind would still wander to worst-case-scenario sometimes. I definitely had to rely on the Lord. On Sunday, it was on my mind all day. So when we sang "I Believe in Christ" for the closing hymn of sacrament meeting, I lost it on the fourth verse. The words were very comforting and felt so applicable to me at that time.

I believe in Christ; he stands supreme! 
From him I'll gain my fondest dream; 

And while I strive through grief and pain, 
His voice is heard: "Ye shall obtain." 
I believe in Christ; so come what may, 
With him I'll stand in that great day 
When on this earth he comes again 

To rule among the sons of men.

This song and the spirit I felt gave me hope that no matter what happens (even worst-case-scenario), through Christ "I will obtain my fondest dream". "And while I strive through grief and pain his voice is heard ye shall obtain!... So come what may!" I'm not scared! (Ya right). But honestly, my biggest sense of comfort this past week has been the spirit of the Lord. Reading His words in the scriptures and the words of our latter-day prophets has kept me focused on eternal principles. I am so grateful for little trials like this that bring me closer to my Savior. This past week I've been reading the Spring 2012 conference addresses in the Ensign. There was a talk in there from President Eyring entitled "Mountains to Climb". In one part of the talk, President Eyring gave a reason for why we experience trials here on Earth even if we are living righteously. He said, "Those reasons come from this one fact: in Their perfect love for you, Heavenly Father and the Savior want you fitted to be with Them to live in families forever." Later he also said that the reason a certain woman had gone through many trials was not because she was being punished, but because "God just wanted her to be polished a little more." I truly believe in these principles. While this trial is but a grain of sand in comparison to others' trials/"mountains" here on Earth, I know that it has polished me--even if just a little bit.

... ok, so back to the story. It was finally Wednesday... the day I could possibly get my results. Every time my phone rang my heart skipped a beat. But they never called.

On Thursday, I knew my doctor was out of the office so I would not be finding out that day. The only people I had told so far was my parents and Sky's parents. (I have a couple of little siblings that are major worriers so they were never let in on it). But on Thursday, I was with a couple of my good friends, Lauren and Erica. We were watching our husbands coach their little-league baseball team, and it took all I had to not tell them. I didn't want anyone to know until I knew if it was cancerous or not. But I just had to tell them. So I spilled the whole story and told them I should find out the next day what it was. They are the best friends ever and were so positive, comforting, and loving. It's the people that I am surrounded by that make my life complete :)

Then came today... the doctors office called me at 9:00 this morning and told me not to worry, that it was benign. Sky was sitting there with me and I just started to cry. Instead of anything cancerous or dangerous, it was just "fibrotic breast tissue". I told the nurse thank you quite a few times, and she told me that I could get it removed if I wanted to, but unless it continues to grow, they didn't think that would be necessary. Yay!

So now, I feel a hundred pounds lighter knowing that there isn't a mass of cancer in my boob hurting me from the inside of my body. Such a relief!

So if I were to take away one health lesson from this all, it would be to regularly conduct self-breast exams. Women friends that are reading this... you too! Lumps are easily detectable (at least mine was) and should be done by every woman beginning at age 20.

Whew. Sorry that was so long, and talked about breasts the whole time. My mom had a benign breast tumor removed when she was about my age, so I thought I'd journal how this whole thing went down in case a daughter of mine has this happen to her in the future.